“This PNG illustrates my versatile awsomeness.” – Helvetica Oblique Bold
Greetings.
As you probably already know, I am Helvetica. Let me tell you a little bit about myself, I’ll start with my childhood. I was born in Switzerland in 1957. I had a hard time adjusting when I was younger, people used to call me “Grotesk” but their harsh words only motivated me to become the greatest typeface in all the land… Once I got my first big break that was all it took. It was only a matter of time until I was on every street corner, textbook, storefront… you name it – I’ve been there. People tell me they’re fans because of my neutrality. “Helvetica is a neutral typeface that has great clarity, no intrinsic meaning in its form, and could be used on a wide variety of signage.”
Whatever. You think I don’t have meaning? You’re wrong. I mean EVERYTHING. Need a typeface for your minimalist hipster ad campaign? ME. I’m fashionable as hell. Need to help Granny find her canned peas a the grocery store? ME. That’s right I’m helpful and caring too. So you need to write a two page essay? How about 500 words instead of 1,100? I GOT YOUR BACK. I mean business.
Sorry I’m getting a little excited. I’ve been a kind of on edge lately. Arial is all up in my face all the time trying to steal my look. Its really getting on my nerves… That guy just can’t take a hint. We tried to get a restraining order, but he still shows up everywhere. Hes harassed nearly everyone in my entire font family! Helvetica Heavy is still getting weekly emails from Arial teasing him about his weight. Needless to say my fame has really taken a toll on everyone…
shelbytatewalters 